I had been away from where I currently live all day and on the way home, I started feeling really down. This may be because I'm moving home for 3.5 weeks tomorrow and I really don't know if I want to go. It may also be because of how tired I am, but anyway it happened.
I got into my blocks lift and suddenly everything surfaced. I physically felt sick and couldn't hold on anymore. I started crying and there was no way I was going to be able to stop it. I managed to stumble into my room and drop my bags before I fell to the floor in a heap.
At this point, it's probably worth pointing out that I hadn't been having the best of weeks anyway. I'd been given some not so great news on Monday and was having a bit of a hard time dealing with it. I know I have friends and other people in my life I can talk to but I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about it with them.
Anyway, back to the crying mess. At this point, my phone rings and its my mother. I try to put on a brave face and hide the fact I was not on my best form but she knew. And so I just cried all over again. I told her what was honestly wrong with me and had it thrown back in my face. I got told I was in too deep and if I didn't want to go home she wouldn't bother coming to get me. I had to tell her I wasn't upset about coming home and I wanted to be there, but I needed to have this meltdown to be ok.
To cut a long story short, after what truly has been one of the greatest days of my life, I've had probably one of the truly worst evenings. I'm excited to be going back home, there's just becoming more and more of a reason for me to want to stay where I am.
With love,
Anonymous xo
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