25 March 2015

Sometimes You Gotta Let it Out

Tonight was not a good night.

I had been away from where I currently live all day and on the way home, I started feeling really down. This may be because I'm moving home for 3.5 weeks tomorrow and I really don't know if I want to go. It may also be because of how tired I am, but anyway it happened. 

I got into my blocks lift and suddenly everything surfaced. I physically felt sick and couldn't hold on anymore. I started crying and there was no way I was going to be able to stop it. I managed to stumble into my room and drop my bags before I fell to the floor in a heap. 

At this point, it's probably worth pointing out that I hadn't been having the best of weeks anyway. I'd been given some not so great news on Monday and was having a bit of a hard time dealing with it. I know I have friends and other people in my life I can talk to but I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to talk about it with them. 

Anyway, back to the crying mess. At this point, my phone rings and its my mother. I try to put on a brave face and hide the fact I was not on my best form but she knew. And so I just cried all over again. I told her what was honestly wrong with me and had it thrown back in my face. I got told I was in too deep and if I didn't want to go home she wouldn't bother coming to get me. I had to tell her I wasn't upset about coming home and I wanted to be there, but I needed to have this meltdown to be ok. 

To cut a long story short, after what truly has been one of the greatest days of my life, I've had probably one of the truly worst evenings. I'm excited to be going back home, there's just becoming more and more of a reason for me to want to stay where I am. 

With love,
Anonymous xo

5 July 2014

So f**king done

I'm at it again. I do that thing that any girl will ever do. You meet a guy and slowly fall for him. Like that John Green quote "I fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once" it actually happens in real life too. And it really bugs me that I act like that. I wish I wasn't that kind of girl but I am so I guess for now I have to deal with it. 

So you fall for a guy, you think the guy has fallen for you, well he says he has but by now they could literally be saying anything to get with you. Well thank f**k I'm not that kind of girl. I don't put out like that for any guy and I'm pretty damn sure I never will. 

You get the cutesie messages for 3 weeks and then boom you've known him for a month and you suddenly become what seems to be the last thing on their mind. It sucks because you're now at the stage where they're all you can think about and you know that they're moving on. I know that people have lots going on in their lives and all that jazz, but seriously way to overload on the obviousness here. Don't even get me started on the empty promises that get made if we ever do talk. 

So tonight I made a decision, I'm not going to bother with them until they bother with me now. If they care for me then they'll contact me and if not, well it was nice knowing you and I sure hope life treats you well. 

Maybe one day I'll look back on this and see what kind of things to avoid doing in future life but until then, I think it's rant over for now. 

With love,
Anonymous xoxo

14 August 2013

Expect the unexpected!

Sometimes you learn things that shock you. Today was one of those days.

I was scrolling through my Tumblr feed today when I found something that I had seemingly missed from the last week or so that had developed. There was an online content creator that I had thought was a normal person that was just creating content and trying to make it in this world discussing some information about his life that I come to light. I was so shocked by it all; someone with such a strong young female demographic of fans doing something like this.

Then there was the whole situation of people that were sticking up for them calling it a 'mistake'. No, what this person did was evidently NOT a mistake.

As it involved another person, they were getting wayy more hate than they deserved. Yes, they too did something wrong, but they were just telling people about something that was truly wrong towards them and admitting their own wrongdoings alongside it.

The person that I feel for most though was the now ex-partner of the person involved. They had no clue what was going on and in the aftermath of it all, has been left shaken up by it all it seems.

So if you were/are a fan of the main person involved, I implore you to go give some love to the ex as they have had the worst of it through this situation. I really hope that they can recover from this all as it is such a sad thing to happen to them, and I just wish some people would realise how wrong it was what happened and they should think about who they are giving the 'love' to at this time.

I needed somewhere to rant so rant over.

with love,
Anonymous x

15 April 2013

I hit a wall!

I think that everybody knows the feeling that I'm on about. Some people have it over creating content on sites like YouTube, some have it halfway through writing a novel and others have it twenty miles into a marathon. It's that mental wall, the block when you just get stuck and can't think what you want to do next. I've written about four unfinished blog posts so far and I haven't been happy with any of them.

I've tried writing about a programme that I became addicted to - got about one hundred words in and then bam ... nothing.

I've tried analysing Sherlock Holmes detective skills. Let's just say it got very boring, very quickly.

I've even tried just writing about my daily life and that would have probably put anyone reading it to sleep in about three seconds. I don't lead all that much of an interesting life.

Don't get me wrong, I love being able to get my opinions across on things, but sometimes I find it difficult to get those opinions written down rather than explaining verbally.

I even hit a wall writing this post. I just stopped and couldn't think where to go next. I'd rather take the time to publish something that I was happy with than publish a half-hearted idea. That's why I keeping this post short, I'm leaving it where I'm happy with it, than a thousand word ramble about something I could say in one hundred.

I find the ideas behind this wall an interesting topic. There can be many different causes, like feeling you don't know where to go next with your story, or you do but don't know what to write to get there well. In sport the wall is when there is a depletion of glycogen stores in the muscles and liver. This appears as a loss of energy and sudden fatigue.

There are of course ways of overcoming these walls. Some find that in order to get there creativity up, they need to have a break and go and do something different for a bit. Others would look around their lives as they are for that hint of inspiration. Whatever it takes, we need to overcome these walls that life throws in front of us, as it is only then that we can showcase the best of ourselves. At least, that's what I feel.

With love,
anonymous x

7 February 2013

Snowed Under!



I recently was forced to stay at home because of the awful snow and a terrible cold that made me miserable and not at all nice to know. My mother decided to show me a favourite film of hers: 12 Angry Men. I am sure you all know it, but for those who don’t this classic 1957 film tells the story of an 18 year old man who has been charged with murder. The movie gives you an idea of the struggles juries face when convicting a prisoner to death. It was a harrowing film to watch, but I found it most unsettling as well to see the jury comprised 12 middle aged white men. Where were people from other ethnic backgrounds and where were the women?
In most developed nations the percentage of women in the labour market has increased dramatically since the 1950s. When 12 Angry Men was produced less than a third of the workers were female whereas today it stands at 47%.
Despite this change, men are still much more likely to hold a top position in a company than a woman.
In addition the ratio of female board members  has lagged, with 14% of top positions in the largest companies listed on the DOW Jones index  filled by women.The numbers also vary greatly from country to country. In Italy only 6% of board members are women whilst in France 22% are. 
I am not usually a fan of government involvement in private industry but on this issue something needs to be done. Norway took the lead in 2003 when its legislature passed a law requiring that at least 40% of board members in public listed companies had to be women. They successfully met their target and now the figure stands at 44%.
A study by the British Government commissioned on this subject recommended that by 2015, 25% of all board members should be women. The Cranfield School of Management recently reported that 50% of companies have one women on their board, which sounds deeply underwhelming to me. The situation requires much more than just recommendations. Simply for pragmatic reasons business leaders need to take action.
70% of household purchasing decisions are made by women. This is not just children’s clothes, grocery and fashion shopping. Women also choose large items such as cars and holiday destinations. By my calculations, if 50% of employees in a company is female and women make the bulk of all buying decisions what possible rationale can there be for women being left out of the senior management, decision making process?  Surely women know best what women want because they are the ones who are doing all the shopping! They are the ones making all the key decisions ! They know how half the population are thinking and feeling.
At Virgin for example, a company that pioneers the advancement of women in the senior positions of management, women are encouraged to rise to senior positions over time. At present the CEO of Virgin Money and Virgin Holidays are female and the person at the number two spot in Virgin Atlantic is a woman.
So how should women’s role change? Firstly, the way that career advancement in companies is managed should be looked at and revitalised and see what barriers women are encountering. Is there a great deal of male prejudice or sexist attitude in middle management? Are you limiting the progression of a woman in your company because you would feel emasculated if you were led by a woman?
Women encounter gender based stereotypes about what sort of job they can do which can sometimes exist in subtle ways and need to be challenged. It is common practise for men not to want young women in particularly sensitive positions because they will go off and get pregnant and there will be the inconvenient business of finding a short term replacement. Girls cry at inconvenient times. Girls are moody and you never know how to talk to them without getting your head bitten off. Instead of jokes, it would be much more constructive if help was given to women to introduce child friendly, flexible working conditions and both maternity and paternity leave should be more widely available to all workers, so that it is not women’s careers which inevitably suffer, even though the woman may have the greater earning potential and maybe even greater desire to work than the male in the partnership. 
Fixing these injustices are really good for business. Several studies have shown that gender equality in senior management brings tangible benefits. A report commissioned by Credit Suisse Research Institute revealed that some firms dominated by men had recovered more slowly in the financial downturn than those with a more balanced male female ratio.
So take a good look at who is sitting around your boardroom table. If you see twelve angry men it is time to write a new script!!!

with love
Anonymous x

24 July 2012

Fifty Shades - magic or madness?

"...this is a novel that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever."


For me, these three books have done exactly that. It took me three days to read them all and I have to admit, despite my initial hesitations, some people really have got their ideas wrong about calling this novel that bad.


It is common knowledge that this trilogy stemmed from a Twilight FanFiction called ' Master of the Universe'. Indeed, all three novels contain very similar aspects to what we see in the Twilight series. Take Ana's friend Jose - he is just a different type of Jacob Black. He will "always be there" for Ana, our protagonist, but then has harboured feelings for her, again much like Mr Black. However, E L James creates a character that is not so whiny as Jacob, which really does help her.


Anastasia Steele herself is not too different to our Twilight heroine Bella Swan. Yes, she may be older at the start of the novel but they have their similarities (notably being an only child, seemingly always being grumpy, and falling for the first man they are attracted to). I know that one novel is meant to spring off the other slightly, but it is nice to see that an argument in Fifty Shades isn't half a book long.


If there could be one character in these novels that showed a different side of life, it would have to be the main man, Mr Christian Grey. Ironic isn't it that after everything he was 'into' that his first name was Christian. Just a side note that I found slightly amusing. Of course, he is a perfectly timed character and thank heavens his entrance in the novel isn't dragged out for too long. His character is intriguing, disturbing and saddening all that the same time - no wonder he refers to himself as "fifty shades of f***ed up". Although he may appear to be similar to Edward Cullen, he doesn't sparkle which can only be a bonus. He does, however, stalk the poor girl...


As an overview of the whole trilogy, I would say that I enjoyed them. The plot may be weak in places and it does seem that a lot of the time the characters are having sex, thinking about sex, or teasing about sex. That does get a bit annoying but the novels are classified as 'erotica' so it can't be helped. I find that by the second book, the reader does get to see more of a plot develop as we delve more into Christian as a character and what issues has affected his life and his 'issues'.


"Obsess" may be a strong word to use when describing the novels. Intrigue would be a better word, even though it may not fit in as well what with the ideas that the books put forward. I think that James has done exceptionally well for a set of books like these to do so well in todays society. It may be better that people are reading something like this that is fully in the public eye instead of hiding away on computers at night finding another source. 


Although the trilogy has got some bad rap, being removed from some libraries in America, it is not as bad as it seems. Perhaps they should not be so forward in bookstores though, they are novel porn after all. Despite that, I would still say that they are a decent set of books compared to some stuff that is published these days. I'm now just waiting to see who Hollywood places as Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele when they make their presumably '18' rated film in the future. To get the full impact of the novel across on screen, I don't see how they can rate it any other way.


with love
Anonymous x